There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
