It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
