I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
