and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize