Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
