Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
