If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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