I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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