Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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