Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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