Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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