4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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