Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
