wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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