Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
