Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
