Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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