remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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