the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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