Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
