we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
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he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.