the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.