i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!