you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
