WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
