is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.