I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.