i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.