You just made me feel so damn special
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
