Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
