I wish life had little blips of pornography
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
