Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
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Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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