do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
