Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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