Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
