we have pet lesbian snakes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
