I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
