I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
