i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
