I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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