Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
