he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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