I cannot find my penis.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
