filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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