Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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