Soap is not a condiment
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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