would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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