Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
