dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
