i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
