I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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