I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
