she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
