then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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