I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
