It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
