I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't deserve a penis
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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