i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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