some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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