Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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