Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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