My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
