If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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