Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
