Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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