Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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