I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
