the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How naked do you want me to be?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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