a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
