He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
