He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
