Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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