Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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