So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
