my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I touched a dick in church today
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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