my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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