She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
