im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
