Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
